Once again, extreme parenting is in the news as Time Magazine asks, “Are you Mom enough?” If one looks beyond the provocative and scandalous cover photo and actually reads the story, the reporting suggests that it is a difficult time to be a mother and women are forced to choose between career and family. But in the end every woman has to make the choice that works for them and feel good about it.

Last month, the term “Mommy Wars” was prominent in the media when Hilary Rosen criticized Ann Romney for never working a day in her life. Of course the Romney campaign countered by noting that motherhood is full-time work.

I am reluctant to say much about motherhood since it is quite impossible for me to ever experience the joys and pressure of being a mom. I know that I am not “Mom Enough” and I never will be. C.S. Lewis said that ever since he served as an infantryman in WW1, he had a great dislike for those who, themselves in ease and safety, issued exhortations to [those] in the front line. Thus he was wary about speaking on sins and temptations to which he was never exposed.

Yet, I believe it is fair to observe that they must be a genuine stress on women and mothers to prove themselves and deal with the criticism of others and their own internal criticism.

There’s nothing new about this. Nearly fifteen years ago I preached a sermon about “the mom contest.” Okay, perhaps the only thing new is that the contest escalated into a war. But we can go back even farther than fifteen years and notice that rivalry among women and mothers existed in the days of the patriarchs and kings. Sarah and Hagar, Rachel and Leah, and Penninah and Hannah.

Hannah’s Story

Hannah is caught up in the “mom contest.” An ancient mommy war of rivals. Penninah convinces her that she’s not mom enough. As a result, she is depressed, grief-stricken. She will not eat and she cries easily.

– At the risk of stereotyping and generalizing, I will make an observation as an outsider to womanhood. First, women certainly know how to create and nurture relationships with one another. In our culture and in our churches, women certainly do this much more freely and easily than men. You will probably never see a “Secret Brothers Gift Exchange.” Second, the flip side then is true and some of the most bitter and harsh rivalries exist between women. The letter to the Philippian church addressed the tension between Euodia and Syntyche that rippled out into the rest of the community.

– A word to women, who has criticized you? Ringing in your mind’s ear this very morning may be the hurtful words of other women who for reasons of their own have attacked you. Or maybe the words are your own? Perhaps you are comparing yourself to other women and the attack on your soul comes from within.

The reasons for the rivalry are endless.

In ancient times, a woman’s worth was based upon child-bearing, child-rearing, and keeping a home.

In our more enlightened age, we haven’t done away with the others, but we have added to the list of worthiness that a woman must have a successful career and involvement in social activities.

In addition a woman must remain physically attractive and demonstrate the proper etiquette and talents in all social affairs. Furthermore, she may be called upon to be a financial manager and in some cases the spiritual leader for the family.

All of this she must do with feminine grace and charm and should she lack in any area, then she is not trying very hard. She isn’t “mom enough” or “woman enough.” These are the “Mom Wars.”

Men are guilty of promoting it: Domineering men blame women; confused men do not know how to take responsibility.

The 1963 song Wives and Lovers suggests that women are responsible for their husband’s sexual integrity. This lyric has never seemed quite right . . .

Day after day,

There are girls at the office,

And men will always be men.

Don’t send him off

With your hair still in curlers.

You may not see him again.

– Wives and Lovers, Burt Bacharach 1963

According to the song, if he cheats, it is his wife’s fault. The song assumes that wives are in a contest for the attention of their husbands.

Women are guilty of engaging in the contest: Soap opera conflicts such as Mean Girls, Gossip Girls, Bad Girls Club are popular in both the drama and reality TV categories. Cat fights and drama showdowns are standard. It is difficult to know if the television reflects our culture or influences our culture. Perhaps it does not matter. The sum of the scores is always a loss.

The way out of the contest is to seek first God’s favor instead of trying to win the favor of men, other women, your children, or yourselves. In fact, if you will seek God’s favor first, then you will have the respect of those who likewise seek God’s favor.

Hannah quit the contest when she turned to the Lord. With God, Hannah had a future – a gift from God! She is no longer depressed, she is no longer grief-stricken, she has hope and Peninnah’s insults no longer effect her!

But Hannah’s future also became the future of Israel.
Hannah gained more than she could ever imagine.
The beginning of the Kingdom of Israel is not David, Saul, or Samuel – but barren Hannah.
Mothers and women, find your worth and value in God!

(1) Go to him in prayer!

(2) Devote yourself to God and refuse to be downhearted by the insults and criticism of the Peninnah’s in our culture!

(3) Seek to please God, not other men and women. You will find his burden lighter and his yoke easier.